I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
