you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Sober January is a disaster.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
