the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
third nipple confirmed
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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