you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Sext me about skeletons
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
