I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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