Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
