Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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