is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
