I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
