I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
