Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I am midnight drunk by noon
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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