My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
