can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
we're so committed to being not committed
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