it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
