Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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