im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
