so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
