Jerry, you need to find god
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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