using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
