my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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