I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
