i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
