if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
