This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Boobs are out for the taking
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
