the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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