she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
