Having a random hookup so left but love u
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Holy shit dude........stairs
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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