On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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