someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
