I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
