My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Did I show you my penis last night?
being pregnant is like rehab
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
