thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
