either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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