Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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