Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
the liver wants what the liver wants
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
