So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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