I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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