Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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