I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
