Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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