Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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