I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
