You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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