I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
thus making me awesome and them whores
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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