My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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