Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
