How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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