i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
