Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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