Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
