Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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