i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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