You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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