some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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