If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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