Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
