I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
