people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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