I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize