i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
