i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
