I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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