never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
