Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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