the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
