some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Can you bring me the toilet please
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
