no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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