Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
