we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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