i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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